Love and Respect
Hello and welcome to Wifey Wednesdays, a podcast for women who are seeking to be the best wives they can be. I’m your host, Emily Hatfield, and this is the show where the plan is always to do things God’s way, especially our marriages.
On today’s episode, we are kind of picking back up with Ephesians 5 and looking at two different concepts than last week - when we focused on headship and submission.
As our title suggests, today we’re going to be looking at love and respect. In the beginning of this section of scripture, Paul talks about wives being submissive to their husbands as to the Lord, and husbands are to be the head of the wife in the way that Christ is head of the church. But at the end of the section, Paul concludes this way: Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Ok, so, as we can see - that last verse is the key to our episode today. Paul has been speaking about Christ and the church, and how our marriages are reflections of that. Our marriages should be on mission — we’re showing the watching world what the relationship between Christ and the church looks like. I think this is especially needed in today’s culture, because there are many churches that do not follow Christ, and there are also many churches that elevate men into positions of leadership where they are acting in ways that follow Jesus’ leadership. The watching, lost world needs marriages that actually adhere to the pattern! We need to show them the way it’s supposed to be…with headship and submission, but also with love and respect.
Now, this is a little tricky today, because as you know, I really like to look at original words. And the word for respect is the same word that means to fear, to be afraid, to put to flight, or to be terrified. So on the surface, that seems like a bit of a scary situation to find yourself in as a wife. Make sure you’re afraid of your husband? Um, I don’t think that’s the way it’s supposed to be.
And you know what, when we take it in the flow of the passage, you can see that it doesn’t mean that at all. Here’s why I think that: Paul has spent most of the time in this passage speaking to husbands about the ways they are to treat the wife. He is to cherish her and protect her. He is to be careful to present her without spot or blemish. So, he’s handling with care. He’s gentle. He’s protective. Again — he’s acting like Jesus! This is how Jesus cares for the church. But, Jesus is the head. And so there is a healthy reverence and respect that comes with His position, right? But think about this: how many times did Jesus use this word “afraid?” It was a lot. And most times? It was used when He said - don’t be! Don’t be afraid!
Yes, we are to fear God. Yes, we are to hold Him in reverence. But this is not an arms distance, don’t set him off he might explode - he’s dangerous kind of afraid. This is a respect for His authority. This is a respect for the position He holds. But this is an approachable reverence. Jesus teaches us, many many times, that we are to draw near and not be afraid. He showed this in his every day interactions with people — as he allowed them to come near, as he touched them and cleansed them, as he lifted them up when they approached, as he calmed storms….the message was always the same: don’t be afraid. It wasn’t that they shouldn’t respect him, but that they shouldn’t be terrified. He is approachable. He is worthy of respect, but He is also tender and kind and will listen when you are scared or concerned or troubled.
We shouldn’t be afraid of our husbands, because our husbands ought to be living lives that are modeled after Christ’s compassion and tenderness. Yes, they are in positions of authority within our homes, but that is not an authority that squashes those beneath them or belittles or humiliates or injures. If Jesus wouldn’t do it, then neither does a husband.
But respect for our husbands— that’s crucial. Treating them as if they are insignificant or stupid or somehow less than, that’s not the way we’d treat Christ, is it? Is He insignificant? Is He less than?? Absolutely not. But if we wouldn’t treat Jesus in these ways, then why do we treat our husbands like it? Why is the go-to to belittle and demean? To expose their weaknesses? To capitalize on the times when we were right or they didn’t know or they made a mistake? To nag until we get our way…to treat as if they don’t know anything…to make fun of? These aren’t the ways, are they? This isn’t respect. This is culture, though. Every sitcom shows some kind of doofus dad and a mom who has to know everything and do everything while he makes a fool of himself. That’s how the world wants us to see husbands. And mostly, that’s how Satan wants us to view our Lord. Like we know better. Like we have it all figured out and He makes things less convenient. Like He gets in the way. That’s Satan, y’all. And that’s not the way.
God wants us to respect our husbands, not make them the punchline. He wants us to respect our husbands, not gossip about them with our female friends. He wants us to respect our husbands, not compare them to other men and make them feel bad that their talents or abilities are different. Our husbands are ours….and our job is to respect them. God has given them authority in our homes, and that is something to honor. God believes in them. God has given them this job — and He doesn’t give us jobs that we are unable to fulfill. If He calls us to it He will equip us for it…so these husbands of ours, they are going to be capable of leadership. But part of what makes them capable is having a wife who supports and respects and encourages. A wife who doesn’t nag and belittle and laugh at and make him the punchline.
Like I said, this isn’t what the world wants. It isn’t what the world models. But that’s because Satan attacks the home ALL the time. If he can get a foot in the home, he can get a foot into society at large….and haven’t we seen the effects of that over the last 30 years? So let us be intentional, seeing that we are dedicated to respecting our husbands.
And hey, if this were natural, would it have to be commanded? Probably not. But it isn’t natural. That’s why Titus 2 tells older women to teach younger women to love their husbands, because we just honestly don’t know how. Even if you grew up with a great model of that in your own family, it isn’t natural to treat people like this. It is often natural to make yourself the priority, to put yourself first, to demand that you have respect and attention and your needs fulfilled. But Christ teaches us a different way. Put others first. Let God fulfill your needs so that you can be busy serving others.
Just as submission begins because of the respect we have for our Lord (wives, submit to your own husbands AS TO THE LORD), so also our respect for our husbands begins there, too. Because of my respect for Jesus, I will respect the leadership He has put into place. Because I know that the Lord cares for me and will be with me and help me, I can place myself in a position of vulnerability - that of submission - and I can see to it that I respect the authority that God has given to my husband. I can respect His model for marriage, because in that model, He takes care of me. He makes it to where I am provided for and cared for and loved, leaving me room to build up and encourage and respect and submit.
Marriage is a beautiful, complementary puzzle designed by our Maker. When we are both fulfilling our roles, marriage shows the beautiful picture of Christ and the church. When either of us go off course, the picture becomes muddled and disfigured. It’s why it’s crucial that we both pay attention to and fix our eyes on Jesus as the example.
So, moving from respect, let’s talk about love.
Husbands, love your wives. And the bar? It’s Jesus. Whew — what a calling to live up to!
Christ loved the church so much that He died in her place. He died to cleanse her. He died to protect her. He acted in a way she didn’t deserve in order to help her to be pure and dignified and holy and saved.
This is a husband’s job. He is to sacrifice for his wife. He is to protect her. He is to act in ways she might not deserve in order to help her be pure and dignified and protected and holy. That might mean having to make decisions that are difficult because it protects the purity of our households. It might mean setting boundaries in order to help our family’s holiness. But out of his love for his wife, he will do things that are for her ultimate protection and good.
This is why it really isn’t putting a wife in a vulnerable position to be submissive and to have a reverent fear. Because if a husband is loving like Christ, a wife is safe. She is secure. She won’t be mistreated or taken advantage of. She won’t be controlled or forced. She will be led gently, protected fiercely, and honored and cherished deeply.
This might not be natural for husbands, just like submission and respect aren’t really natural for wives. Still, it’s the calling. And Jesus says, husbands - you can do it. You must do it. This is how people will see My love…through yours. This is how people will be able to understand my leadership, through yours. This is how people will come to know that they can be safe and secure within the church, because husbands show that their wives are safe and secure within their households.
This world we live in….this so-called religious society we live in…it is a mess. And part of that reason is because marriage is a mess. Husbands don’t love like Christ loves. Wives don’t submit like Christ submitted. Husbands have abused authority and wives have sought to take leadership positions because of the mismanagement of unChristlike husbands. All of it has gotten topsy turvy, and it’s incredibly sad. Because God’s design for the home, it was beautiful. It is beautiful! But like most things, we mess it up. From the beginning, Adam and Eve messed it up. Adam failed to protect his wife. He failed to lead her away from the dangerous conversation with the serpent and away from the dangerous forbidden fruit. Eve failed to submit to the leadership of Adam, and didn’t heed the words he’d told her that were directly from God. She listened to another voice. She let an outside voice have authority within their marriage. And the rest is history.
Let’s not repeat it.
Let’s resolve to be women who submit and who respect. Let’s not belittle. Let’s not drag down. Let’s not emasculate. Let’s encourage and build up and serve and honor and help. And husbands? Love like Jesus. Lead like Jesus. Protect and cherish and honor like Jesus.
If we will all resolve to do things God’s way, especially our marriages, then turns out — we’ll be showing a beautiful picture to the world. and that’s what God wants! He wants us to show the world who He is and how much He loves! Jesus wants to show the world that He was willing to submit in order to secure salvation. He shows us submission is beautiful and crucial for salvation. He shows that love was crucial for our salvation. And these things - they’re played out in marriage…they’re lived out in marriage…we’re able to show the world these things through our marriages. So are we? Are we intentionally doing these things? Because without intentionality, marriages drift and then ultimately fracture. I don’t want that for my marriage and I don’t want it for yours! So let us pray that God will help us and equip us to fulfill these roles that we’re called to. Wives, submit to your husbands and respect your husbands. Husbands, be the head that you’re supposed to be and love your wives in the way Christ loves. When we will do these things, we will showcase a greater love and greater level of submission — that of Christ. That’s the whole point — that in all things our lives will magnify Christ and point others to Him.
Alright, that’s gonna do it for today’s episode. Next week we will look at what it means to forgive within marriage…and you know that doesn’t come without much effort and much prayer. I look forward to being with you again for that episode, but until then remember - love God, love your husband.
