Belonging to One Another
Hello and welcome to Wifey Wednesdays, a podcast for women who are seeking to be the best wives they can be. I’m your host, Emily Hatfield, and this is the show where the plan is always to do things God’s way.
I am thankful that you are here as we are navigating the final chapter of this podcast — these final 20 or so episodes concluding 12 years of the Wifey podcast. It definitely hasn’t been 12 years of wife-centric things, but hopefully things that have equipped us to be better wives as we ultimately seek to be more devoted followers of Christ. This final season, though, I wanted it to be something that could last — a marriage-centered final season that can help wives as they begin - as they navigate hard seasons - as they seek Jesus more in their marriage.
Today, we are going to be talking about what it means to belong to one another. In the beginning, God said it this way: the two will become one flesh.
Now, if you’ve been listening to this podcast for any amount of time, you probably know this about me: I’m not going to be one of those people who speaks graphically, and I am most certainly not going to be someone who brings things that are meant for a husband and wife and put it into a public forum. That’s just not me. So, don’t worry if there are smaller ears around — this isn’t going in that kind of direction. It will be discussed, but not in a way that goes into details that aren’t suitable for any kind of audience.
But here’s the thing, from the beginning God designed husbands and wives differently. Uniquely. Anatomically complementary.
The point was, as the Old Testament parlance refers to it as, to know one another. And that seems to be the most succinct, beautiful way to speak about a husband and wife relationship, because that’s the point. Here is the person on this earth that is the closest to you — that is meant to be closest to you, and no one else ever is. This is a special relationship, a close relationship, and it is meant to be honored as such. But it isn’t simply a close physical relationship, though our proximity to each other is most certainly closer than with anyone else. But when I think about becoming one — it’s everything. It’s merging two lives together. It’s merging finances. It’s merging goals. It’s merging your very autonomy.
When you get married, everything shifts from me to us. Everything is at once about us as a singular unit. God said the two become one. And in the book of 1 Corinthians, Paul will speak to married couples and give them principles for marriage that includes this: “for the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does - likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.”
This is obviously never, ever intended to put someone in a position of harm. You absolutely can protect yourself should someone else misuse or mistreat. God does not call us to living a life of abuse.
But in its most beautiful, most Christ-honoring form, this is about a husband and wife honoring, respecting, and understanding one another. Bearing with the physical and emotional needs of the other. Meeting each other where you are, and allowing your closeness to transcend the other relationships — letting your closeness build each other up and make you better.
Our marriages ought to be places where we see Jesus most clearly.
There is no one in the world who knows me as my husband does. No one is closer. No one has more access to me — any part of me. Physically, mentally, emotionally…there is no one closer. Being able to have that level of trust and commitment, it is a blessing from the Lord. He has shown me, through the care that my husband shows me, how Christ loves the church. And it ought to be said for my husband that no one shows him a picture of Jesus more clearly than me. My willing submission, my servant-mindedness, these are the characteristics of Christ. If I am not consistently trying to keep these goals in front of me, I might miss the entire point of marriage.
Because it isn’t about having all of my physical needs met, though marriage is the only outlet for such. It isn’t about having a close friend, though marriage provides a best friendship and partnership that is unmatched. Marriage is, like everything else in this life, about glorifying God. It is so that, first and foremost, my husband gets to see Christ more clearly. Then, the world gets to see Christ and His church more clearly through our relationship. That’s the reason that we aren’t to be nagging wives. That’s why we aren’t suppose to participate in running our spouse’s name down. That is why we aren’t meant to do things that show disrespect. Because our marriages aren’t about us. Even in two becoming one - in merging two very separate lives together - we are showing God’s masterful design, and His beautiful institution.
This is why it is so important for couples to continually keep themselves on the same page in all the areas. It isn’t just about presenting a unified front in front of the kids. It isn’t just about making it seem like we’ve got it together at church on Sunday. It’s about providing each other with a safety and security that honors Christ. I ought to be able to trust my spouse with my financial life, my emotional health, and my physical body. I ought to be able to allow the closeness between us physically to solidify our trust with each other - to keep us oriented to being on the same page in every other arena as well. This is a beautiful gift that God has given to spouses, and it is ultimately for our good. It is to keep us from temptation. It is to keep us secure and healthy. It is to teach us to honor someone else, and consider someone else’s needs. Marriage is a beautiful place of safety that God has given us that should help point us to our Maker.
Now - there are about a million caveats that I could maybe make in an episode like this, and that’s because we live in a fallen world. We live in a place where people are not trustworthy, are irresponsible, are hateful and hurtful. We live in a place where trauma is real - where temptations are left unchecked - and where sin creeps in (or is sometimes blatantly allowed). I don’t have the time to go through every caveat. Instead, let us be called to a higher way of living. Let us simply strive to be who God wants us to be within our marriages.
He wants us to honor our husbands, even if they aren’t the greatest. Abigail shows us that, doesn’t she? He wants us to keep ourselves from nagging and seeking control. He wants us to willingly give of ourselves, becoming women with the mind of Christ — willing to serve and put up with and bear up under, just as He did willingly for us.
One of the most beautiful things about marriage is that we get to become one. We get to be closer than anyone else to our spouse. We get to enjoy the blessings God created when He made us male and female. The physical blessings offer an emotional connection that is unmatched in any other arena. What a blessing that He has placed it within marriage — in a place of safety and security. May we be praying for our own marriages, that we will use the blessing of being married to show our spouse Christ more clearly and also to show the watching world — but also let us pray for the marriages around us. Many people are hurting. Many people who listen to this show are hurting. Many Christian women reach out to me often because they are hurting. Let’s pray that each marriage represented by a listener today can be more God honoring — that sin can be eradicated and that each person can have less self and more Christ present in their actions and attitudes.
I think it is crucial that we devote ourselves to intimacy within marriage. Obviously not making that some kind of idol, where everything revolves around it, but making sure that we are adamant to put the proper emphasis on it. And the proper emphasis is the agreed upon emphasis that either spouse has. I cannot always make it about me. He cannot always make it about him. Together, we mutually agree to mutually give of ourselves to one another. We see the space between us as sacred, and we honor it as such. It isn’t a punchline. It isn’t an obligation. It isn’t simply the duty of a spouse. It is the way that God has designed us to become one — to become seen and known and valued and cared for within a marriage. It is a way that God has specially designed us to fulfill needs for one another — and it’s only us fulfilling those needs. You’re going to have other friends, other relationships, other ways that you are filled up emotionally and spiritually. But this way - this closeness - it is unique. It is special. It is to be valued and honored and sought after and revered. It is to be held in a special space, where your spouse does not have to worry about being humiliated or devalued or rejected. It is a space that is just for the two of you — not the subject of tomorrow’s conversation with your friends. It is a place that God has designed for a husband and wife to shut the rest of the world out and focus on building their fortress that is going to keep Satan out, too.
Intimacy can be messy and complicated and triggering and a host of other things. Most good gifts God has given have been twisted and perverted by the devil. This one has been twisted since the beginning. But God designed us for something beautiful and sweet and helpful. God designed us for something sacred and honoring and empowering. May we pray that Satan not find a foothold within our marriages in this way. May we learn to block out the worldly expectations and ideas and instead learn from scripture what God wants us to know and value about the relationship between husband and wife. Song of Solomon might be a great place to camp if you need a reminder of how beautiful and wholesome and exciting this relationship is meant to be.
It shouldn’t be taboo. It shouldn’t be embarrassing. But it is private. It is special. It is to be held in honor and to be undefiled. It is something to share with your husband and him alone.
I am so thankful that God has blessed us with the gift of marriage. I am thankful for the safety and security, the emotional tie, and the unique bond we receive. I am thankful that God has given us this gift — and that it’s baked in to our very identity in being made male and female. May we continually honor God in our decisions within our marriage.
Thank you so much for being with me today! I hope that you’ll continue with me through the remainder of this season, as we continuing looking at what it means to do marriage God’s way. I also hope you’ll be with me in the next adventure — the Woven Grace podcast that is coming to the Light Network in January. Make sure to tell your friends, especially maybe your single ones who don’t really feel like this is the show for them - that if they’re interested in Bible study, that one will be for them!
I appreciate you all so much! I hope that you have a wonderful week and that you will pray for your marriage to grow into a closer representation of Christ and HIs church. Thanks again for listening, and until next time remember - love God, love your husband!
